Drama for the Mama

Pregnancy Post-Miscarriage = Pregnant Paranoia

On Thursday, the same day my problems began in my last pregnancy, I had a little spotting just like the kind that began my miscarriage. (Kind of can't believe I'm about to publish this on the internet... oh well, it's about time people start talking more about this sort of thing.) Needless to say, Brendan and I were both pretty nervous. My midwife said that we should get an ultrasound as that is the quickest way to see if the baby is ok. She made an appointment for us for the following day. I spent the rest of that day on my back drinking water, crying, praying, and watching WAY too much TV.

By Friday, my spotting had completely stopped, so I moved from being fearful about my appointment to being pretty excited. The spotting never stopped once it started the last time. At 2 o'clock I left to get batteries for the camera and a big bottle of water on my way to pick up Brendan from iLike. I was hoping to take pictures at the ultrasound after all it was the first time I'd ever see my little baby! The water was to make sure my bladder was full (lovely) for the ultrasound. Apparently they need it full to push everything else out of the way to see the uterus. I picked up Brendan in a pretty good mood, but as we got closer to the office I started feeling scared. What if it was about to happen again? I'm so glad that Brendan was there; he's the most calming person I know.

So, when we got there, to our HUGE disappointment there was a sign about how cameras are prohibited. Sad. But, that was actually alright because I was slightly worried about pulling the camera out (or Brendan pulling it out) only to learn that the baby was dead. (Sounds harsh, but if the heart's not beating... that's what it is.)

I got back there finally with our nice technician named Joanna who was very good at explaining everything and answering my myriad of questions. First, she did it "from the top" which means on my belly. Our fears were quickly allayed because she found the sac quickly, and I could already see the little flashing spot in what I assumed was my baby. I was right. She said, "looks like there is a little heartbeat." Unfortunately, we couldn't see things too well, and she then had to do the ultrasound in a less comfortable manner. It was worth it, though. I got to watch that little flashing heart for a long time, and it was amazing. Spud's heart is, to quote Beck, "coming to you [115] beats per minute!" That's a good rate for his/her age. S/he is about 7mm "tall," and the little "house," the sac, is 2cm.

So, it was dramatic. But, I'm so very thankful that I got to have the early ultrasound; I'd been really eager to take an early look because of never getting to see my little Speck.

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