I want the first thing I do today to be writing. Well, the FIRST thing I did today was breastfeed my (not) baby. That baby is almost 18 months old, and I just left him with his babysitter for the first time. If feels great. This feels like the first real, committed move toward being a writer. So, though I'm at U.Village and all my haunts are calling me, I have planted myself at a table to write. There are many stories banging around my brain, including my ballet adventure that recently has felt fuzzy to me. I want to dive deep and get it written. Then there are parenting scenes, theological explorations, attempts to make a little cash. Sitting here to think about it all, I realize I'm gonna need a bigger boat. But, for now- one thing at a time.
Being a person is hard. We have so many parts to our selves, but all I really want is to be one. To feel like the different parts of my life are integrated- like a lasagna. Different ingredients- prepared, grown, changed through so many methods but all stacked and baked together in one dish. I want my motherhood to effect my writing, my dancing to effect them both, my friendships to open my mind, my hobbies to grow my thanksgiving and feed my energy for everything else. And, above all, I want faith, hope, and love to pervade it all. I want it all to be used for God's plans to come true- for me, my family, and my broader communities. (Man, I love me some lasagna.)
My hope is that these times when Bran is with the sitter will help me to be a better lasagna. Parenting may be the meat of my work right now... but I need more in this pan. I was accepted to pursue my Master of Arts in Theology through Covenant Seminary, so a lot of my time away from the kids will be spent on my coursework. I hope to really defend a couple of hours per week to save for my own writing.