Good Thing Everyone I Know is Nice

Well, it happened again. Last night in the middle of teaching the level III's, I started having spotting again. We were having a particularly good class; it was one of those times when teacher and student really meld and understand each other. They were working hard for me, and I'm starting to see such beautiful glimmers of real, natural talent in my favorite little 9 year old. I had to do this weird "Ok, everyone take a minute to do some stretching before we do our adagio in center" and run to the bathroom to find out what was going on. Then, I had to find my boss, tell her I was having issues, and watch the poor dear scramble around to figure out what to do with my class... who were supposed to have another hour and fifteen minutes of instruction, including their pointe class. AGGGGHHHH!!! So frustrating!!! Then, I called my friend to let her know that I wouldn't be babysitting in the morning. Again, I felt so frustrated. The spotting the last two times has turned out to be nothing, so I hate letting people down when there may be no reason to worry.

I managed not to cry (until I talked to Brendan) even though I'm always terrified when the spotting happens. This is the third time. I haven't had definitive instruction about what to do when it happens because we really don't know what is or why it's happening. In the past, any pregnant woman having spotting or bleeding of any kind was told to lay down and drink lots of water. However, now studies are emerging that show no significant difference between the miscarriage rates of those who use increased bed rest and those who don't. The advice to women now is leaning towards "go about your life and don't be stressed." That is extremely hard to do. That's what I did with Speck. I know that I lost Speck early enough that he or she was likely a baby with chromosomal abnormalities, but I still really wish that I had stayed in bed more. I know it's a little irrational. Part of me was relieved to hear those study results back then because it helps an extrovert like me to get out of the house rather staying home to ruminate and cry.

After my miscarriage, I read a book called To Full Term. It is the happy, but stressful, story of a woman who had a very sick premie then lost 3 babies but finally carried her second child to full term. It's full of research about the new trends medically in investigating causes of miscarriage. She had to practically bully her way to tests and diagnoses to help determine what had caused her losses and what she could do next pregnancy to prevent further problems. She had a myriad of issues including a genetically inherited blood clotting disorder and an incompetent cervix... both conditions that lead to tragic, painful late losses. It was almost cathartic to read it. Her experience was so horrible. I suppose it wasn't cathartic because in the end she was, in a sense, redeemed. She finally had a healthy baby... although a stressful and very physically taxing pregnancy. I was encouraged. One thing that definitely caught my eye was her set of comments about bed rest.

In his book "Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News," Dr. Jonathan Scher explains his belief that nature intended women to get more rest during the early stages of pregnancy, hence the fatigue and the frequent nausea. He believes that extra rest can sometimes curb bleeding and prevent miscarriage.
While the value of bed rest to ebb bleeding is considered questionable, from my own experience with bleeding, when I was up more, I bled more. Each woman needs to make this decision for herself, but for me, my body clearly told me that I needed to rest.
Darci Klein, To Full Term: A Mother's Triumph Over Miscarriage

The last two times I've had spotting, I was up and being super active. The first time, I was leading rehearsal and costuming 40 5 year olds. The second time (last night), I was teaching ballet for 4 hours. While teaching isn't as physical as taking a class, I do have to do a lot, especially with the 5 and 6 year olds. I bunny-hopped across the floor more than once! I also did the very bad thing... back bends. I have no business, with my back injury, doing that, but sometimes I just can't resist. BAD JESKY. So, I think I might be in that category of people that need to lay down more often during a pregnancy. It's only been twice, but the correlation of the spotting and activity worries me.

Two things suck the most about this... well, maybe 3. The number one thing is, of course, that I worry about Spud. #2: Having to impose/let down people around me. #3: Not knowing why. Funny how all these things require trusting God. Praying and trusting my God are the only things that I know for sure I can do and that I know for sure will "work." They might not result in a totally healthy pregnancy, but I'm certain they'll lead to the result that is the very best for me in light of God's kingdom. I can't be everything that I wish I could be. I can't be super-helpful, always there for you teacher/babysitter/friend. Good thing Jesus is always available to the needy.

A Little Update

"Baby, Baby, can't you hear [your] heart beat?"